I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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