I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
