we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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