you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
