I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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