Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
