just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
