you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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