oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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