I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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