Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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