she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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