and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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