that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
