Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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