$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
