Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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