Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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