I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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