I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm at about main and main street
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
