who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
