I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
