so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
