I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
