these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
