"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
