capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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