I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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