yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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