New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
