my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
