do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
