why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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