I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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