im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
