she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
