Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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