it hurts more in the daytime
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's blow job season.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
