you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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