he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
