you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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