the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
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I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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