put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
