So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
