Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
