I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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