Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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