There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
