Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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