I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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