Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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