my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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