Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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