i permit you to call me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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