Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
